This past Saturday was the 68th Annual Appleton Flag Day Parade. My parade as I would call it. You see, I was born on Flag Day, and it was a family tradition to walk down to the parade every year when I was younger. I have fond memories of this time. Every year I think about that part of my childhood as well as past birthdays. This experience and these memories would never show up on a survey or personal story request from a care community, nor would it be something, that unless I spoke of these memories often, would my family know. Yet, it is part of my story, my memories, my past.
Little things, like this connection to the Appleton Flag Day Parade, are what enrich the care we can provide, by filling in the image we have of who each individual is and the place they come from. It helps us become relational with each other on a deeper level and allows us to understand the bits and pieces or the “gibberish” as some would call it, that individuals with dementia may share as their verbal language is fading. Information such as, if the question is, “hamburger or hot dog?” The answer is always “brat.” Well, at least in my world. Or, I prefer marble cake and hate red velvet. In knowing these answers we can anticipate what an individual might want, need, or be remembered at moments throughout the year. This information goes beyond the schools one attended and degrees they earned or the town they grew up in, the music they love, and their vocation.
It impossible to know all the details of a person’s life. Impossible to know what questions to ask, and impossible to always know the right thing at the right time. What is possible is curiosity. To never be afraid to ask questions, to observe what causes joy to radiate through the individual, and what causes them to sink into themselves. It is possible to think that the answer may not always be what we expect, but it can be rich with information, helping us understand how to sit with another person. This is part of what it takes to become relational with those we care for, and yes it takes time, time we sometimes don’t think we have, but time well spent.
I may sound like I am dreaming and unrealistic at times, but sometimes that is what it takes to be crazy enough to think we can improve and expand the care we offer.